A Most Jolly Encounter on the Field of Hockey: Berkhamsted 3rd XI vs. Oxford Hawks 6th XI

My dear reader, it is with great pleasure and not a little sporting enthusiasm that I must recount for you the marvellous events of the match that transpired on the fine green plains of Berkhamsted this past Saturday. The Men’s 3rd XI did engage in glorious combat with the Oxford Hawks 6th XI, a contest that will surely be spoken of in hushed tones over many a glass of sherry. The final score, 4-2 in favour of the Berkhamsted chaps, saw a masterclass of athleticism, wit, and—dare I say—tomfoolery of the highest order.

The affair commenced with the two teams showing equal measure of resolve and determination, though one could hardly fail to notice that Mark Robinson, a veritable colossus among men, was moving with a glint in his eye that hinted at things to come. The first half unfolded with a certain degree of tension, as though each side were engaged in a gentlemanly debate as to whom should score first. The breakthrough came after a passage of play so elegant it might well have been choreographed. Alistair Mounsey, with the precision of a Swiss watchmaker, delivered a most delightful assist, and Mr. Robinson, never one to dally when opportunity presents itself, struck the ball into the net with the aplomb of a Victorian dandy claiming the last crumpet at tea. A goal for Berkhamsted, to the delight of the assembled throng!

However, the Hawks, not to be outdone, rallied their forces, and soon enough found their way past the Berkhamsted defence to level the score at 1-1 before the interval. One might say that the half-time whistle was blown not a moment too soon, as the chaps from both teams were in need of a refreshing quaff of water, or, one might imagine, something a little stronger.

Upon the resumption of hostilities in the second half, it became clear that Berkhamsted had no intention of letting matters remain in such an unsatisfactory state. Enter once again our hero, Mark Robinson, who, with the help of a splendid assist from Roger Payton, scored his second goal. I must say, the manner in which the ball sailed past the Hawks’ goalkeeper was a sight so beautiful it could bring a tear to the eye of even the most hardened of umpires.

But dear reader, this was not the end of Mr. Robinson’s endeavours. Indeed, he was only warming up. The third goal came about through a most curious incident, a moment that might kindly be referred to as “a lapse in judgement” on the part of the Oxford Hawks defence. The poor fellows, under little pressure, suddenly found themselves gifting the ball to none other than Robinson, who, being of quick mind and quicker of stick, gratefully accepted the present and completed his hat-trick with a shot that sent the crowd into rapturous applause. One imagines the Hawks defenders will long rue this moment of misfortune.

As the match neared its conclusion, there was yet one more flourish to come. Berkhamsted, not satisfied with a mere three goals, decided to seal the affair in style. This time it was the noble Mike Lloyd who found the back of the net, adding the fourth and final goal to Berkhamsted’s tally, wrapping the proceedings up as neatly as a gift beneath the Christmas tree.

And so it was that Berkhamsted emerged victorious, with a 4-2 triumph to their name. The men of Oxford Hawks 6th XI fought valiantly, but on this occasion, they were no match for the irrepressible Mark Robinson and his band of merry men. It was a day for the history books, or at the very least, a tale to be recounted at many a future post-match alehouse discussion.

Bravo to all, and may the season continue with such joyous spectacle!
MoM Mark Robinson
DoD Mark Robinson

Match report by Hattrick hero Mark Robinson